I lay in my bed wide awake. It’s been a month since the incident and it still haunts me. Haunts us all. Likely it always will. John has taken to running special night assignments to be out of the house, especially at night. Lucky. If only I was old enough, then I too could be out there helping. But no, instead I am practically a prisoner in my own home. Even father is beginning to crack. He is at his wits end on how to help my mother. But what could any of them. Rebeka is gone. Nothing we do will change that. Or the circumstance of how she left. Since that couldn’t change, nothing would help my mother.
Listening as the clock ticks away the night I find myself thinking of my sister. Rebeka had been the guide of our family. She always knew the right thing to say. Could always see the correct path for us to take. Why had she killed herself then? Merely to stick it to the Ministers? Circumvent their orders while still following the letter of the law? That couldn’t be it, that type of thing was more John’s approach. She should have killed me instead. Yes, it would have been hard on her, but it was more logical. Kill the one thread keeping the whole family here. Without my compulsory schooling the family could have fallen off the grid. I tried putting myself in her shoes.
Her family had been abducted twenty-four hours prior and interrogated, although Rebeka didn’t know that. The Ministers had been breathing down her neck. Officially she was given thirty minutes to choose who to kill. Unofficially she would have known since she opened the front door to an empty house. She would have sat through the entire night and following day thinking the possibilities through. What on earth could have gone through her head to choose this path? I shook my head. I didn’t know. I couldn’t. All I know is that in forty-four days I will graduate and things will be different. No longer will I be going to the trade school I had planned on. Instead the resistance will get a new fighter. The New Order will have a new gnat to annoy them.
My mother’s screams rebound through the house. The nightmares are right on schedule. I pull the pillow around my head even though I know it wont muffle the pure agony present in the screams. I will not sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot hear those scream again. I hope I can last the next forty-four nights. Graduation day can’t come soon enough.
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Prompt: I will not sleep. I cannot sleep. I cannot hear those screams again.